


Monster

by armins_booty



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Eye stuff??, Face-Fucking, M/M, Mental Instability, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:31:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2583173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armins_booty/pseuds/armins_booty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monster, how should I feel? </p><p> </p><p>It was an accident. </p><p>He was never supposed to be born. </p><p>Eren doesn't know what love is. All he remembers from his past is abuse. He knows his mother loves him. The pain means she cares. Eren doesn't care about anyone. Then, he meets Armin Arlert. Someone he cares about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> this is really fucked up? Okay but yeah we handed my computer off to the IT guys on Wednesday and I don't want to write howl or perks of or the fic I promised my ff.net readers till I get my computer back. But I really wanted to write. So I made this song fic because I'm really sad and fucked up! Tbh, howl is a song fic too. I'll probably change the desc so that makes sense. uh... Enjoy this as best as you can?? It's really rushed and shitty ugHH sorry

_His little whispers; love me, love me..._

_That's all I ask for; love me, love me..._

_He battered his tiny fist to feel something_

_Wondered what it's like to touch, and feel something._

It was an accident.

He was never supposed to be born.

He was spawned from the Devils' seed.

She didn't want to keep him. She _couldn't_ keep him. And yet, she did. Whether it be she wanted a light in her dim world, or she wanted to vent her frustrations on something weaker, more pathetic, than herself. The nurses from the maternity ward gave the woman churlish looks as she left, muttering things about how the newborn wasn't even given a name, and how the mother looked rather blasé as the writhing bundle was handed to her. The father was no where to be found. No tears were shed in the usual joyous event. It was strange, but they let it be. It wasn't their place to delve into it.

The infant was later named Eren.

• • •

Eren and his mother in poverty. The two of them lived alone in a stained apartment in a crumbling building full of crumbling people. The landlord, a stout old man, didn't care about keeping the apartment building well maintained. The roof was leaky, the carpets were deteriorated and probably infested with many bugs. The walls were thin and wallpaper peeling, so Eren could hear Mr. Janthen yelling at his wife. Mrs. Janthen often screamed and cried very loudly. One night, she stopped crying. Young, infantile Eren was glad they sorted through their differences. The man in the room at the end of the hall had the best view. He got to see out onto the beautiful park. Eren often caught him watching the young boy play in the playground. He was a kind man for watching over Eren while he played, making sure he didn't hurt himself. There was another lady who seemed rather unhinged. Whenever she caught Eren in the hallways, or outside, she would grab him by the shoulder and spout out nonsense that Eren couldn't comprehend. He didn't know what she meant when she said he came from the womb of Satan. What he did understand, though, is when she insulted him. Disgusting child. Mistake. Worthless. Eren had heard them all. Eren's mum would drag him away by the wrist, glaring daggers back at the lunatic lady. His mother would give him a few licks for getting tangled up with her again, then she would cradle him and whisper soothing things to him.

_"Anything that is beautiful, people want to break. And you're beautiful, I'm afraid."_

Eren never remembered having a bed. As a tot, he slept in a nest of blankets, most dirty and full of holes, in the living room. When he got older, he migrated to the couch. He could feel springs digging into his back, but it was better than the hard floor. He could use couch cushions as a proper pillow. His mother slept on the worn out mattress in the other room. There wasn't a bed frame to go with the strangely stained mattress. They had very little amounts of furniture. A fold up table with two plastic chairs, a small coffee table, and a couch. The most impressive part of their apartment had to be the kitchen. Suit with a fridge, stove, pantry, a blender, and different types of utensils, they made sure to keep the kitchen clean at all times.

Eren had a very insufficient collection of toys for a child his age, but his mother did the best with what she had. Eren had to be reminded over and over again that she also had to buy food and pay for rent, and she told him that soon he would be in kindergarten, so she had to save up her money for that. They often played made-up games together, like hide-and-seek and patty cake. Eren's favourite game was the one that involved physical touching and a catchy song to go with it.

_"Criss cross applesauce, spiders crawling up your back..."_

Entering kindergarten was a very special occasion for the Jaeger family of two. Eren was dressed in his best- a white button-up that went over his hands and jeans that didn't have holes in them. The teacher welcomed him with open arms and amiable smiles, and Eren instantly liked her. The building, although old, was a very pleasant place. The bricks that made up the outer shell contradicted the bright innards of the building. Bright carpets and wallpapers, rainbow tables and decorations hanging off the roof and walls and taped to the windows. Eren was attracted to the bright colours, especially the colours in the single stained glass window in the classroom. The kindergarten teacher let him colour and paint on a piece of paper for the whole day. The first day, Eren made a friend. Her name was Mikasa. The girl was also colouring, sitting across on the same table as Eren. She was from a faraway land, she told Eren. She looked different from the other children. Her hair was jet black, like the stray dog that lived near the apartment building, and Eren thought she looked like she was squinting all the time. The mindless child told her that, and she responded by saying she thought that Eren looked funny, too. They both agreed that their comparable grey eyes were really cool. That day, a lifelong friendship was born. A lifelong friendship promised by a pinky swear.

_"Cross your heart, hope to die, we'll be friends for ever."_

Somewhere in the middle of the school year, around Eren's birthday, his mother began to drink. She was running out of money. The little money she had left over, she spent it on alcohol for her own desires. She drank the days away, forgetting numerous times to pick the young toddler up from school. Mrs. Ackerman offered to drive Eren home whenever that happened. It didn't take long for Eren to be picked up by Mrs. Ackerman more than his own mother. He didn't mind though. Mrs. Ackerman was very nice, and he got to spend more time with Mikasa. Mrs. Ackerman insisted Eren come over numerous times when it was obvious his mother had been drinking more than usual. Eren didn't mind. More time to spend with Mikasa.

The first time his drunken mother hit him, Eren thought nothing of it. His mother hit him a lot even before she started to drink, for it was the only discipline she knew. Eren knew that it meant she cared. The first time Eren's mother beat him to the floor, Eren didn't think anything of it. His mother was stressed, and he must've done something bad. He deserved punishments. The beatings started to come more frequently, and for such simple things. If Eren had a snack without asking his mother, she would whack him upside the head so hard that he would fall to the ground.

_"I do this because I love you, and you're being horrible, so you need to learn!"_

One afternoon, when Eren had been playing at Mikasa's house, Mrs. Ackerman offered to walk Eren up to his apartment. Usually, she would drop him off in front of the doors. Eren said that it was alright, but she insisted. When they got to the door, Eren's mother put on an obvious facade. She ushered Eren inside, fake laughter bubbling from her throat. She bid Mrs. Ackerman a goodnight and closed the door. The staggering woman turned to her son and pushed him to the ground, her hands pressed firmly to his chest. She kneeled over the fallen boy and relentlessly beat him. Tears were streaming from her face, and she was wailing on about how Eren was her boy and no one would steal him from her. She abruptly stood, leaving the bloody and bruised body on the ground. She escaped into the kitchen, and came back out with the knife they used for carving meat. She tore off Eren's clothes.

_"You're mine, all mine."_

• • •

The older he grew, the less Eren remembered about his childhood. The happy moments before his mother began to drink were just a blurry haze in his mind. All he remembered was pain. All he knew was pain.

When he entered elementary, he often got into fights with other students and teachers. They were bad, so he needed to teach them a lesson, just like his mother taught him. The school regularly called his mother. Whenever they did, Eren came home to a harsher beating than usual. The more he learned from his mother, the more he wanted to share with others.

By the time he entered high school, he was labelled as the delinquent. Eren had learned another emotion besides pain; hate. He hated everyone. He hated his peers, he hated adults. He even thought about hating Mikasa, but he couldn't. She had stayed loyal to him for as long as he could remember. Ever since the pain had been there, Mikasa had been there too. The one person he could never even think of hating was his mother. She was just scared, Eren told himself. She was so very nice for teaching him all these years. She tried to set him onto the right path, the path of being a good kid, but Eren was just a bad kid. He was a terrible kid. His mother said so.

Eren excelled in the sciences. He hated the science teacher, but the science teacher was set on assisting him. Mr. McCurt was always talking and smiling to Eren and encouraging him. It made no sense to Eren. He couldn't trust Mr. McCurt. He was nice. Mr. McCurt always talked to Eren about getting a degree in biology. By the end of his third year of high school, Mr. McCurt had helped him apply for several different colleges. University was too expensive to even think about. Eren still couldn't trust Mr. McCurt, but he couldn't hate the kind old soul who didn't trust his flowering bruises and cuts. Eren managed to just pay for a tuition for a college a little journey away, by using the money he had saved up from his part time job, also with the help of Mr. McCurt and Mikasa.

By the end of his third year of high school, Eren learned another emotion; desire. He saw it in the other teens. On numerous occasions he caught people in the act. Their lips were connected, and Eren could see their tongues pressing against each other. Their hands were all over each other. He was touching her waist, one hand gliding up her silky blouse. Her hands were touching his area. The area that only Eren's mother could touch. He felt disgusted. He left abruptly, slamming the door shut behind him and startling the couple out of their daze. He found in the next few days that he couldn't stop thinking about it. Whenever he thought about it, there was a funny feeling deep inside him, stirring from his chest and twisting lower down his body. It was a very curious event. Eren wanted to feel it more. He questioned Mikasa about it, and her face turned light pink. Her cool act didn't falter, and she told him that eventually, when he found the right person, he would be able to feel like that even more. Eren questioned if Mikasa had ever felt that... That desire. Mikasa laughed and told him that yes, she has. After all, she has a girlfriend.

Graduation came and went. Eren's mother surprised him, staying sober for the day of his graduation. It was one of the greatest moments of his life. His mother wasn't sad, so Eren wasn't sad either. The day was fantastic. Tears were shed, pictures taken, laughter sang. Eren bid his group of friends a difficult goodbye. The only reason he had this group was thanks to Mikasa. Because of her, they all could understand him. Mikasa held Annie's hand throughout the adieus. Mina smiled and cried into Annie's shoulder. Marco gripped Eren's shoulder and told him to stay out of trouble, wearing a kind yet serious smile. Reiner and Ymir stood off to the side for the first bit, but they both reluctantly joined in. Reiner made sure to give everyone a suffocating hug, while Ymir just said a few parting words. Eren's eyes had began to tear up, but he choked down burning tears. A few last pictures were taken, then they departed. Of course, not their separate ways. They all went back to Mikasa's house for one last party before the closing summer of their childhood began.

The first semester of his college was about to begin, and Eren moved out of his apartment and into his dorm, his very own apartment. His drunk mother sobbed, saying how lonely she would be. She hit Eren for the last time before he left, his small amounts of luggage packed. When he got to his apartment, he was shocked. It was amazing. It was clean, and there was actual a frame to go with the mattress in the bedroom. Besides the bed and already installed utilities, there was no furniture. Eren twisted around numerous times, looking throughout the room with a gawked expression. He got a new job that was closer to the college apartments, and it paid better than his last at Burger King. He was a secretary for a corporate business. With that job, he hoped he would be able to buy furniture.

His first class was tomorrow, so he had some time to look around. The campus of the college was beautiful, like a botanical garden. It was bright and lovely. Sitting on a bench that bordered the sidewalk was a sight Eren couldn't fathom. It was beautiful. Silky looking blond locks landed on slim shoulders, big blue eyes staring intently down at a large book. It had beautiful, long lashes and plump, rose cheeks. In the middle of its perfect face was the cutest button nose Eren had ever seen. Bushy brows had a small tilt upwards, and full red lips parted to let a pink tongue dart out to moisten them. It's body was small, so delicate looking. Eren thought that it would be so simple to snap it in half and pull out all of its insides. He wondered if it's insides were as pink and soft as the outsides looked. Before Eren could realize he was staring, it looked up and made eye contact with him. It smiled at Eren, and Eren felt all funny and warm on the inside. He liked that feeling. It felt comfortable. The it on the bench had such a bright smile. It's teeth were perfect- a little bent and a little yellowed. Eren pondered if it could light up a dark room if it smiled. It moved over on the bench and patted the spot next to it, beckoning Eren to come sit. Eren obliged, stiffly walking over and sitting next to the other being.

"You were staring." It said. It sounded like hot chocolate after playing outside on a snowy, cold day. It sounded like an angel singing.

"No." Eren terribly lied.

It laughed, and Eren swore it sounded like wind chimes swaying in a gentle breeze. It sounded like an angel singing. Something in his belly stirred, and it felt awkward. Eren didn't understand. He couldn't comprehend the feeling deep inside of him. The feeling made him feel uncomfortable and restless, and he couldn't piece together what he was feeling. He wondered, if this was was Mikasa felt whenever she looked at Annie. The feeling was a questionable thing. The it he was facing pushed all of Eren's negative thoughts away. It made him feel better. It made him feel light hearted.

"My name is Armin Arlert."

He wanted to destroy it.

• • •

They got very close in the next few days. They had several classes together, and Eren felt relieved. That is, until the second week of college began. Someone showed up to one of their shared classes, and Eren instantly hated the way the stranger smile and drifted towards his Armin. Armin smiled back, giving his special smile to someone other than Eren. The stranger sat in the unoccupied seat next to Armin. Armin spoke with this 'Jean' character for a bit until he jumped with a start, as if just remembering Eren was there.

"Oh! Jean, this is my friend Eren! Eren, this is Jean. We were friends in high school." Armin straightened and leaned back a bit so they could greet each other.

"We were more than just friends." Jean snickered and elbowed Armin in the side. He made _Eren's_ Armin blush, and he made _Eren's_ Armin look uncomfortable.

"You're hardly friends now." Eren spat out, his voice dripping with venom. Jean snapped his head towards Eren and glared at him. An argument began, and a hatred blossomed.

Eren found out that Armin was weak. It wasn't that hard to tell just from looking at the short boy. He had such a small stature, and whenever Eren dragged him somewhere by his arm, Eren felt like he could break his wrist with just a slight movement. Armin was hardly weight 100 lbs. Eren could sling Armin over his shoulder, and it would feel like he was just holding a pillow. Yes, Armin was very physically weak. But Eren also found out that Armin wasn't mentally weak at all. His intelligence intimidated Eren. Armin knew the answer to every question. He could find remarks to stumble anyone's train of thought. He was passing every class he took with flying colours. It was admirable how much time Armin put into learning. But there were some things you couldn't do with brains alone. Armin was weak, and being weak he was the perfect target for weaker people wanting to make others feel pathetic. Every other day, Eren was chasing away people almost twice Armin's size. Sometimes, people pushed him to the ground. They gave him visible bruises and scrapes. Other times, they wounded his ego. They cornered him and made sure he knew just how ugly they thought he was. They made fun of his hair, his pale skin, his nose, his gangly body, and the pudgy skin that rested on his hips and tummy. They made fun of anything and everything they could see, and left Armin crying. Eren held him through his tears, cradling him and running his hands through perfectly silky hair. He told Armin how perfect he was, how pretty, how cute. Armin didn't believe him, so Eren made sure to tell him all the more.

_"Anything that is beautiful, people want to break. And you are beautiful, I'm afraid."_

Over the passing days, Eren found his urge to love Armin growing stronger. With the longing to love, the longing to destroy grew, too. Several months into the semester, Eren decided. Armin was all his. Several months after that decision, Jean tried to take Eren's thing away from him. Armin told Eren that Jean had asked him out again, and he came with a nervous grin and a bright red face. As if he was considering it. Eren replied with a heavy tongue how there was no way Armin could date Jean. They got into an argument, and Armin stormed off. Several days after the fight, Eren wrote a note to Armin. A note from Jean, how Jean could actually never love Armin. He took out the breaks in Jean's car. Several days after the note was read, there was a funeral.

Eren made another decision. It was more like a plan, to be exact. Eren was very excited to initiate the plan. He invited Armin over to his apartment on a Thursday. Armin had been over numerous times before, so he suspected nothing out of the ordinary. Eren laughed at Armin's foolishness. Eren didn't have enough money to afford proper drugs, so he whacked Armin over the head with a frying pan. He had to make sure Armin couldn't try to escape from him again, like he did with Jean, so he bought lots of ropes and chains. He put Armin on the bed. On the only bed, for Armin's comfort came before Eren's. He tied Armin, his arms crossed over his head and tied to the headboard with rope. He attached both his ankles to the bedposts on either corner. He found it endearing how Armin took up hardly any space on the bed. Eren kissed Armin's neck, then snapped the blue collar he bought for Armin around his neck. Blue to match his enticing eyes, and a collar to remind Armin just who he belonged to. As he worked, he sang a childish song he learned long ago, the tone to it wicked and joyous.

_"Criss cross applesauce, spiders crawling up your back."_

Armin woke up screaming. Eren couldn't have that, oh no. The neighbours would hear. He shoved Armin's own sock into his mouth, and smiled pleasantly when he heard him gag. Eren stroked the side of Armin's head and whispered how he would be alright. No one would take him away anymore.

The next day, Eren entered the room and pulled off his infamous hoody he always wore. He pulled off his long sleeved shirt to join the pile at his feet. Armin gasped at the sight he saw. Cuts and very old scars littered Eren's toned body, like a mystifying, grotesque picture. Some were very new, while others suggested they came to be years ago.

"Y'know, when I left my mother, I couldn't deal without the pain. No one would hit me, or cut me. So I had to do it myself." Eren showed off his scarred arms to Armin. The flesh was red and puffy and seemed very sore and sensitive. Armin cringed at the sight. "But I've decided to mature, just like my mother did when I was born. She couldn't bring herself anymore discipline. She had to care for me. She had to discipline me. So now, I'm going to care for you, Armin. I'm going to discipline you."

Eren approached Armin, the caught gazelle before him. He stroked his hand down the side of his face, down to the unmarred flesh of his neck, and to his chest. Eren murmured, informing Armin that he was the prettiest thing Eren had ever seen. Armin was glaring at Eren, and Eren stared back. He punched Armin in the gut. He told Armin that he had to cooperate with Eren. If he disobeyed, he would be punished. Tears sprung in Armin's eyes, and Eren leaned forward to lap them up. He traced his tongue along the bottom of Armin's eye, then pressed it against his lacrimal caruncle. He pulled back and licked his lips. Armin tasted better than he imagined. Something tickled in his lower belly, and he wanted more. He leaned down and continued to feast off of Armin. He tore off Armin's shirt and stared down at the soft man. His stomach was bruising. Eren gently kneaded the discoloured skin and began to suckle on Armin's flesh. Armin started to squirm. Eren sat up straight and slapped Armin across the face not once, not twice, but four times. He yelled at Armin, telling him that he was a nasty person and needed to behave. He raised his hand to slap him again, and Armin flinched away. He was mouthing something around the sock. Eren asked if Armin was sorry, and he rapidly nodded. Eren smiled and stroked the reddening cheek that he previously abused.

_"I promise you, we will be together forever. Pinky promise."_

Eren had to feed Armin the next day. He prepared Armin his most favourite breakfast; pancakes drowning in maple syrup with fruit and orange juice. He entered the dark room with the tray and put it on Armin's stomach. The other man was awake. Eren gently stroked the side of his head.

"Look, sweetie. I made your favourite." Eren said, obviously proud of his fine craftsmanship.

Armin eagerly drank the entire cup of orange juice, much to Eren's amusement. But he refused to eat a bite of the pancakes. As much as Eren prodded him to eat, Armin refused. Eren got angry and put the tray of food on the floor, then mercilessly beat Armin.

"I prepared this meal for you!" Eren shouted. "I made it specially for you, and you're not going to eat it? You're disgusting! You're a terrible human being for not eating what I made you!"

When Eren finally pulled away from him, Armin was crying into his shoulder. Eren forced his head up and, once again, licked at his tears. He lapped at his eye, even going as far as to suck on it gently. Armin wailed from behind the sock gag and made a choking noise. Eren didn't care about the neighbours hearing anymore. He wanted to hear Armin cry for him. He pulled out the gag and Armin instantly started to scream for help. Eren put his hand over his mouth, shoving his fingers into the warm, wet crevice. Armin's mouth felt nice. He wanted more of it. He replaced his hand with his own mouth, and he instantly shoved his wet muscle into Armin's mouth. Armin was surprised, but he spontaneously bit down on Eren's tongue, hard enough to draw blood. Eren pulled back with a wheeze and sucked the blood from his tongue.

"You aren't allowed to do that." He growled lowly. "Only I can do that! I own you!"

Eren began to wail on Armin again, leaving him bloody and bruised and swollen. But he didn't stop there. The tickling urge in his pelvis was becoming unbearable, so he decided to act. Eren unzipped his fly and pulled out his growing erection. Armin stared with wide eyes as the thing came closer. Eren abruptly shoved his penis into Armin's mouth, filling the hole with his large girth. Eren grinned and tilted his head back, a moan escaping his parted lips. He drew his hips back, and then slammed them forward till Armin's nose was nestled in his pubic hair, and the head of his cock touched the back of Armin's throat. Armin gagged and threw up, but the vomit didn't make it past his throat. Eren fucked his throat ruthlessly. When he felt the tingling sensation growing unbearable, Eren came into Armin's mouth. He pulled back, and the white ropes splashed against Armin's face. Eren grinned maliciously down at Armin and rubbed his cock along his face, smearing his cum. Eren left Armin like that. He left the room listening to Armin sob, the sound music to his ears. Before he left, he turned to the sobbing bundle.

_"I do this because I love you, and you're being horrible, so you need to learn."_

Throughout the span of the week, Armin refused to eat. Whenever he didn't eat, Eren beat him. Eren very much so admired the colours that were blooming all over Armin's body. On the fourth day, Armin peed himself. Eren beat him harder than usual to teach him a lesson. That was dirty! Eren felt the tingling sensation whenever he looked at Armin, so he was doing those deeds more often than not. He did it how his mother used to do it with strange men all the time. He pulled off Armin's clothes the third day, so those garments wouldn't stop him. Armin was also a man, just like Eren. There wasn't a vagina for him to fuck. He remembered his friends in high school used to talk about anal. So, Eren shoved his cock into Armin's behind. His eyes rolled to the back of his head. The tightness and warmth of the hole mixed with the shrill shriek from Armin made the experience perfect. For almost the whole day, he fucked Armin however he wanted to. He only stopped when Armin began to talk.

"You're a monster."

Eren stopped moving, balls deep in the small, wounded man.

"How could you do this...?" Armin's voice was weak and wavering, and it was obvious how hard he was trying not to cry. "I thought... I thought you actually had feelings for me... I thought you liked me. So why? Why are you doing this?"

Eren, dumbstruck, responded, "Because I love you."

"This isn't love!" Armin cried out. "Love is kind and warm! Love is tight hugs and soft kisses! Love is caring for somone!" Eren was silent, so Armin continued. "You're a monster. You weren't loved as a child. You were fed pain, and you graciously ate it. You feed watching others suffer." Armin's voice was trembling, and he was crying. "This isn't love..."

Eren, still silent, sat unmoving for a long moment. After a heavy silence, he pulled out of Armin, gathered his clothes, and walked out of the room. He left Armin to cry and hiccup, the boy feeling as if he was breaking from the inside out.

Eren was heartbroken. He was heartbroken and confused and angry. For two days, he thought over what Armin said. At the end of the second day, he came to a conclusion. That wasn't love. Eren did know what love felt like, he realized. Love was eating a home cooked meal by Mrs. Ackerman. Love was Mikasa teaching him how to ride a bike. Love was what his friends gave him, teaching him things he could never learn from school or his mother. His mother. He was blinded from love by her pain. Her pain that she pushed onto her child. Eren was more familiar with pain than love. He learned to love the pain. No, he didn't know how to love. Eren didn't know how to feel anything other than pain. Eren, in those two days, also realized that pain was everywhere in the world. There was no way to escape it. The world was cruel. Too cruel for his precious Armin. He realized-the thing he wanted most was what Armin wanted the least. For the first time in a very long time, Eren bawled into his fists.

The next time Eren entered his room, Armin was sleeping. Eren looked over the tied up pile of flesh and bones. There was hardly a spot on him that wasn't covered in bruises or cuts. Most of the cuts were around his genitalia, going as far up to his hips and down to his thighs. His wrists and ankles were swollen, red and bloody and burned, from the ropes tying him down. Armin had patches of dried cum and other bodily fluids decorating his body. His hair was a matted, greasy mess. His right eye, Eren's favourite eye, was forced slightly open by the swelling of it, thanks to Eren licking and sucking on it and nearly fucking it. His cheeks were red and splotchy and tear stained. Eren thought that Armin looked beautiful. He was so beautiful, Eren wanted to cry.

Eren approached the bed and kissed the side of Armin's head. "I love you. I know now, I truly love you." He murmured. "I love you, so I'm going to save you from the world."

Eren grabbed a pillow from the fallen pile of blankets that pooled on the ground around the bed. He pressed it to Armin's face and compressed down on it. A few seconds after Eren did that, Armin began to squirm. He was wriggling around very harshly, pulling the ropes so taut they almost snapped. His chest rose and fell at a rapid pace, and he spat out pleas that were muffled by the pillow. Eren pressed down harder, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. _Shh_ , he whispered softly. The squirming grew feeble, until it eventually stopped. When Armin stopped squirming, the quick rise and fall of his chest stopped too.

Eren wiped his eyes with the back of his palm and left the room. He came back moments later, the knife he used to cut himself all those times in his possession. He put the knife next to Armin and worked on undoing the ropes that bound him. He threw the rope to a corner of the room and pulled the softest, warmest blanket he had over Armin's body. He laid down next to the inert body and pulled the blankets over himself. With the knife, Eren slit two deep gashes into his wrists. He cringed, though he wasn't afraid of the familiar sting. He cut until he saw bone, and then he did the same to the other wrist. He knew he had cut his arteries, seeing how the purple lines almost seemed to bulge out of his body now. Eren curled his body around Armin's, his still bleeding arms wound around him tightly.

_"You're mine, all mine. I love you.."_

_Monster, how should I feel?_

_Turn the sheets down_

_Murder ears with pillow lace_

_There's bathtubs full of glow flies_

_Bathe in kerosene_

_Their words tattooed in his veins_


End file.
